Welcome to the Machine


We have one of those all-in-one washer/dryer units in our flat, and unlike others we’ve heard about, it actually does work halfway decently — at least in the sense that stuff comes out clean and dry most of the time, and we’ve learned how to work around its apparent deep longing to wrinkle all that it touches.

What we find fascinating is the level of complexity ascribed to the laundry process by this machine, and as a consequence its utter inability to yield control to the mortal clothes wearer. 15 unique programs with 8 temperature settings for both wash water and dryer, plus four manual cycle settings and an additional 4 options that do… we’re not sure what, yet.

Given that it can occasionally be full of either water or superheated air, it is understandable that the machine’s a bit reluctant to let you open it up again once you’ve got a load started. But if you’re going to take the time to install 15 programs, maybe you could come up with a “oops, let’s start over” option? Want to just touch up your clothes in the dryer for a few minutes? Come back in 40 minutes, my friend. We know how best to touch up clothes, and you can’t do them justice in under 40 minutes. And don’t try to take them out before my cycle is complete, Dave. My system has locked you out, and it’s best for the mission if you simply… Dave, do not pull out my power cord…


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